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LATEST NEWS ITEMS.

A SHEFFIELD paper has been prosecuted for asserting that the Prince of Wales was a fast young man.  The prosecution was withdrawn as soon as the editor confessed that the Prince was loose.

The Treasury Department is much distressed by the great genius for smuggling displayed by the Chinese immigrants.  They secrete opium in all sorts of wonderful places, and so worry the custom-house officers dreadfully.  Several children have been arrested for bringing their “poppies” over with them, and feeling in favor of the offenders ran so high that a number of women were fined for having a share in laud’n’m.

The bull fights in London have come to a mournful conclusion.  The bulls refused to take part, and the principal combatant instead of being all Matted O’er with the blood of his taurine victims, has been sent to prison for trying to Pick a Door lock.

The Last of the Piegans is travelling East, on his way to Philadelphia, to see “SHERIDAN’S Ride.”  He was away from home when PHILIP was there, and is very anxious to know the young man when he sees him again.  Hence his laudable anxiety to study the picture.

The Fenian Army.

If the Fenians send an army to aid the Red river insurgents, it may probably be the only “BIEL” work they will attempt this year.

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Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New York.

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WHAT I KNOW ABOUT PROTECTION.

DEAR PUNCHINELLO:  Having skilfully illuminated Free Trade, I now proceed to elucidate Protection.  You see when we reach Protection, the boot is on the other leg; you make the conundrums then, and the other man tries to guess them.  There are many kinds of protection; there’s the kind which a State’s prison-keeper gives to one of his birds; the kind which a black-and-tan terrier, or a freshly-imported Chinaman, extends to a good fat rat; the kind which a pious young man offers to a fair and tender damsel, when he places his arm around her dainty waist, and gently absorbs the dew of innocence from her rosy lips, (that idea, is, I think, plagiarized from TENNYSON,) and the kind which a delicate mother-in-law, blessed with nerves, pours out upon her son-in-law.  But I leave the discussion of such things to weaker birds, and soar myself to a higher kind, i.e., that Protection which is diametrically opposed to Free Trade.